


The Secrets We Share

by Leafshadow2



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, We really shouldn't be doing this, mental health
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-09-24 00:15:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17090447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leafshadow2/pseuds/Leafshadow2
Summary: Though they confide everything to each other, there are some secrets that they can't even admit to themselves. Falling in love was easy. It was gradual and happened somewhere along the way. Accepting that and figuring out how to maintain a relationship between the demands and dangers of being shinobi? Not so much.





	1. Some Nights

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I had the first chapter of the companion piece for As Luck Would Have It and this mostly written a while ago, but I had some computer issues and lost all my files. When it came to rewriting everything, this wanted to be written first. Hope you enjoy, and feel free to let me know what you think

“Call it.”

Sakura’s voice came out woodenly, but she didn’t have the energy to care.

“Time of death…”

The voice of the other medic grew imperceptible as Sakura left the operating room, shedding her surgical gown and tossing her gloves into a red hazardous waste bin. She washed her hands mechanically at the metal sink beside the door, lathering and rising repeatedly. It didn’t make the phantom sensation of blood covering her fingers and palms go away, even though nothing had gotten past the barrier of the gloves earlier.

Turning, the medic made her way down the overly-bright, white hallway, her left shoe squeaking with every step. She maintained an unhurried pace and a calm, professional mask as she descended the stairs to the basement level of the hospital. Then, _finally_ , she reached her destination.

Closet 148B.

The name placard for it had long since faded, so the worn numbers now more closely resembled that of 43B. The one place in the entire hospital with a locking door that only she seemed to remember existed. Even the custodial staff seemed to avoid it. The medic knew that she was the only one to ever utilize the tiny, cramped room, aside from the lone spider that had taken up residence in one corner of the ceiling. The fact that there was no interior lighting didn’t bother her as she locked herself in, sitting in the dark amongst the cleaning supplies that were likely older than her.

And, as her cheek came to rest upon her knees, and her arms went around her legs, Sakura allowed her carefully affixed emotionless mask to crumble. As the tears finally fell, turning into violent sobs that she knew would go unheard this deep in the hospital, she blindly reached for something— _anything_ —to hold onto.

Every time she lost a patient, it hurt. But _this_ …

He had just been a child.                

He had only been a genin. A bright-eyed, eager young shinobi that had dreams of doing great things. That hadn’t yet learned that there was no such thing as glory on the battlefield. A whole life before him. A tentative crush on one of his fellow teammates, something that might have become something more, but now would never have the opportunity to grow or be explored.

The twelve-year-old had been caught in the line of fire during a mission gone wrong. Instead of all that he had been in life, all she could see was his blood covering her gloves in the operating room. Soon he would be a name etched in stone. She had tried, done everything in her power, but it had been too little, too late. The second that the barrage of kunai had pierced his intestines, he had never stood a chance. The basic medical ninjutsu that his mentor knew would have never been enough to prevent the sepsis from spreading.

Still, Sakura couldn’t help but wish that she could have done more. She had just finished a long shift at the hospital and had been about to leave when the team had been rushed through the doors. Every available medic still at the hospital had responded, including herself. But it hadn’t made a difference. She couldn’t help but wish that the unfounded belief—that once an injured shinobi was brought through the doors of Konoha’s hospital, they would be alright—was more than just that. But that wasn’t reality.

The wooden handle of a mop shattered in her tight grip.

* * *

Mechanically, she made her way to her apartment, barely noticing the cold rain that fell. Sakura eventually found herself at her door, hands trembling as they struggled to unlock it. After more attempts than she cared to recall, the silver key finally entered and turned in the lock, letting the door swing open. A dark living room greeted her as soon as she entered, but she didn’t bother to turn on any lights before shoving the door shut behind her.

Fingers stiff with cold fumbled with the closures of her jacket before she managed to undo the buttons. The coat, heavy with water, fell to the floor without care. She tripped over her similarly discarded shoes before sinking down heavily onto the couch, staring blankly at the walls.

Time lost all meaning.

She didn’t know how long she sat there—minutes, hours, it all blurred together—never noticing the slight creak of her window as it opened. It wasn’t until he sat down to the right of her, his weight on the cushion displacing her slightly, that she realized he was there.

It wasn’t a surprise. News of what occurred at the hospital travelled quickly, and though uncommon, this certainly wasn’t his first visit under these circumstances.

When his arm wrapped around her shoulders, she couldn’t help but rest her head heavily on his shoulder, no longer having the strength to sit upright on her own.

“I’m alright.”

Her words came out tentatively, whispered almost too faintly to hear.

“No, you’re not,” he murmured softly against the top of her head, masked lips brushing against the damp strands of her hair. “And that’s okay.”

His gentle tone was her undoing.

Tears she thought had long since run dry silently slid down her cheek.

* * *

He knew that nothing he said would make it better, so Kakashi didn’t say anything. He simply sat beside her, not caring that her tears mingled with rainwater to soak the fabric of his shirt. When she eventually fell into an exhausted sleep, he carefully carried Sakura to her bed. After gently resting her head on a pillow, he pulled the covers over her and headed over to the window. He paused as his fingers met the cool glass, shooting one last concerned glance at her resting form before silently exiting the apartment the same way he had come in.  


	2. Silver Linings

“Sakura.”

Her brow furrowed as she read a report about multiple attacks on small towns near the former Hidden Sound village. Grabbing a pen, Sakura made a note in the margins of the page to see if there was any intel on the current and past affiliations of the missing nin responsible.

“ _Sakura_.”

Finally hearing the exasperated voice calling her name, she nearly gave herself whiplash by jerking her head in the direction of the speaker. “Sorry, Shishou. Did you need anything?” the kunoichi asked sheepishly.

The blonde hokage swirled a bottle of sake. “I need you to leave so I can indulge guilt-free,” Tsunade replied dryly.

Sakura nearly snorted. “That’s never stopped you before.”

“It’s late _, go home_.” Surprised, Sakura glanced out the window, just now noticing that the sun had long since set. “The last thing I need is for that hyperactive brat you call a teammate barging in here and accusing me of drowning you in paperwork,” the blonde continued, pouring a dish of sake.

“I know, I know,” Sakura huffed, setting aside documents and gathering her things. “You keep telling me that I’m young and should be enjoying myself.”

“I surprise myself sometimes with the occasional bit of good advice. You should follow it.”

Her mentor’s words were emphasized by the finger pointed in Sakura’s direction. The pink-haired medic forced a smile as she walked to the door. “Have a good night, Shishou,” she called before leaving.

She took a deep breath as soon as she left the Hokage tower, releasing it slowly as she stared out at the darkened streets. Walking towards the direction of her apartment, Sakura’s feet stopped when she came to an intersection. Though she’d love nothing more than to go home, she knew that she should make an effort to stop isolating herself. It wasn’t healthy to keep burying herself in work. Decision made, the kunoichi headed in the opposite direction of her home.

The second she walked through the doors of the Rusty Kunai—a dive bar frequented by shinobi—indistinct noise washed over her. Without bothering to look for anyone she knew, she made a beeline for the scarred counter of the bar. It wasn’t until she claimed an unoccupied seat that Sakura realized just how tired she was.

The sound of ceramic clinking against wood drew her attention. “You look like you could use this,” the bartender told her, releasing their hold on a cup of sake.

“Thanks.”

Taking a sip, she saw the irony in the parallels between her and Tsunade’s evening plans, yet she couldn’t bring herself to care.

It had been a shitty week.

First, her patient had—

She took a deep breath and tried to clear her mind. She had done all that she could, and she couldn’t change the past. A sappy love song started playing on the dusty old radio sitting in the corner. Sakura sighed heavily before taking another sip of her drink, wishing that any other song had come on.

The civilian nurse she had been dating for the past month had ended things earlier that week. Apparently, he couldn’t come to terms with the immense time commitment that her career demanded. Between the long hours running the hospital while still seeing patients and getting called out on the occasional mission with little to no warning, it had been too much. Relationships didn’t always work out, and she had accepted that, but still...

It would have been nice to actually have had a date to Shikamaru and Temari’s upcoming wedding.

Glancing around the crowded room, she spotted Naruto with his arm around a blushing Hinata. The two had started dating recently, and she couldn’t be happier for her friends. Still, as she responded more sedately in kind to her teammate’s enthusiastic wave and the byakugan user’s kind smile, Sakura couldn’t help but wish that she shared some of their luck in the romance department.

Just as she was turning back to face the counter, she caught sight of Kotetsu and Izumo stealing a kiss when they thought no one was looking. Their hands were tangled together, displaying the matching gold bands they wore. Sakura smiled at their obvious affection but couldn’t help wondering if she was cut out for a serious relationship, at least currently.

_“I feel like I constantly have to compete with your job for your attention.”_

The reminder of her ex’s words was unwelcome. Sakura had worked hard to get to where she was today, and she refused to apologize for that. Another chorus of “always” and “forever” blared forth from the radio, and she seriously considered throwing a kunai at the device. It had already seen more than its fair share of abuse from rowdy patrons, after all.

The medic downed the rest of her drink in one go before signaling for another round. The stress of the past week seemed to weigh on her shoulders as she sat on that barstool, fingers curled around her cup. Though she had picked up extra hospital shifts and worked longer hours at the Hokage tower, Sakura knew it wasn’t a healthy way to cope with losing the genin on her operating table. She had to accept what had happened in order to move on.

_Easier said than done._

She stared blankly at the bead of condensation that slowly fell along the side of her cup. The din of the room faded to indistinct background noise as her focus turned inward, to the memorial service she had attended earlier in the day.

The tightly clasped hands of the boy’s parents, their joined fingers as white as the flowers placed on a coffin that was far too small.

Choked sobs from the genin’s remaining teammates as their sensei wrapped his arms around them tightly, tears falling from his own reddened eyes.

The way her teeth had sunk into her lip viciously, nearly drawing blood, as a heavy voice intoned gratitude for the young genin’s service, while lamenting that a life had been cut so short.

The overwhelming, suffocating sense of guilt that clawed at her as his parents quietly thanked her for trying to save their child.

“You did everything you could.”

The words broke her reverie, and she glanced to her side, seeing Kakashi’s profile as he stared ahead under the guise of ordering a drink.

* * *

 

Even from where he was seated in the far corner of the bar, he could see the lost look Sakura had as she stared unseeingly at her drink. Losing such a young patient had hit her particularly hard, and Kakashi was no stranger to being weighed down by self-recrimination. He got up from the table, not bothering to excuse himself since Genma and Gai were too distracted with some silly debate to notice. Along the way, he directed a closed-eye smile and a two-finger wave at Naruto as he passed by the jinchuriki. After navigating his way past the crowd, he slid onto the empty bar stool beside the pink-haired medic.

She didn’t notice until he spoke.

“You did everything you could,” he told her.

Sakura glanced up at him before swirling her drink distractedly. “I know, but…”

Her words trailed off, knowing that he was more than familiar with self-blame. Further explanations weren’t needed, and both of them knew that.

He traced his finger along one of the numerous grooves on the wooden bar, ordering a beer when the bartender came up to him. “The only thing you can do now is try to prevent the same thing from happening in the future,” he told the medic. “But,” he said, sending her a knowing look, “that doesn’t mean you should work yourself to death.”

A smile curled her lips, not quite reaching her eyes.

“You know me too well.” He arched an eyebrow, prompting her to reach over and squeeze his hand briefly, before Sakura continued, “I promise to not over work myself.”

“Good.”

She released his hand as she stood, saying that she should join Naruto and Hinata. Kakashi watched her leave until the clink of glass on wood distracted him, heralding the arrival of his drink. He turned to face the rest of the room again as he took a sip of beer through his mask.

He couldn’t help but observe Sakura as she smiled brightly, cheerful laughter carrying around the room. No one else seemed to notice that her grin was a little too stiff to be genuine and her laughter was hollow. That behind the façade of happiness, the weight of a burden rested in her green eyes.

Except…he noticed.

Kakashi noticed because he had seen the same practiced expression numerous times in the past when he had looked in the mirror.

Before he knew it, his bottle was empty, and his bladder made its presence know. The silver-haired shinobi barely took a few steps in the direction of the bathroom before he was met by an unwelcome obstruction in heels. 

“Well, if it isn’t the famed Copy Nin!” announced a woman as she stepped into his path, the blonde’s red dress displaying a generous amount of cleavage.

Kakashi didn’t know her, but he knew _of_ her. She was one of the persistent civilians that got a thrill out of adding shinobi to the notches on their bedposts. There wasn’t anything wrong with that, but it wasn’t his preferred style.

Just as he started to scratch the back of his neck awkwardly, he sensed a chakra signature which meant that help was on the way. It wasn’t long before he felt Sakura’s warmth behind him. “Kashi-kun,” the medic cooed as she wrapped an arm around his waist from behind, “I’ve been looking for you.” He coughed discreetly, stifling the urge to laugh. Kakashi felt her rest her chin on his shoulder and knew that she had to be standing on her tiptoes. Sakura briefly glanced at the woman before _innocently_ asking, “who’s your friend?”

The blonde shot her a hostile glare, vastly different from the inviting look directed his way seconds earlier, clearly unhappy about the intrusion. His teammate had never been one to back down from a challenge, so it came as no surprise when Kakashi felt her free hand snake around to rest on his chest, drawing mock possessive circles on his vest with a finger. With a huff, the woman turned to leave, but not before telling him, “find me if you want a better time than what _she_ can offer.”

The two shinobi were barely able to suppress their amusement for a few seconds until Sakura dryly commented, “she has clearly never had one of my chakra massages.”

They both snickered uncontrollably until nearby patrons sent them strange looks.

“Too bad you can’t fend off people on my behalf at the upcoming wedding,” he half joked.

“Well,” the medic said with a rueful smile, “my date bailed on me, so I’ll be free to keep you safe from men and women alike that only have one thing on their mind.”

Ah, so it seemed that it had been a rough week for her.

_That’s an understatement._

“In that case, I’m the perfect plus one. I’ll watch your purse and hold your shoes for you when you inevitably take off your heels,” he told her lightly.

Sakura laughed.

A _genuine_ laugh.

And as Kakashi listened, he knew that she would be fine.


End file.
